Altamonte Springs man not exactly "Jacked" over new growth

March 22nd
Report by Johnny Eskimo

Ken Spurrows is just your average Central Floridian. By day, he has a job as distribution manager at a major newspaper in the area, plays on his Elk's Club softball team on Thursday night and on the weekends he loves to head to the legendary Mosquito Lagoon for some relaxing red fishing. So what's got Ken up-in-arms? The Florida Eskimo Action News Team jumped on this story after 36 emails from Spurrows. Apparently, Mr. Spurrows is "not jacked" about all the new land development that is occurring around his Altamonte Springs home off of 436.

"I am pissed about this Planet Smoothie." Spurrows screamed as we entered his home litered with beer cans in Altamonte Springs.

" I bought my house 28 years ago and I lived in a quiet neighborhood. Now I walk outside and right across the street I got some dude holdin' hands with another dude and their always drinkin' those damn Grape Ape Smoothies."

The Grape Ape drink that Mr. Spurrows is referring to is a beverage that is produced by Planet Smoothie that consists of Grape juice, strawberries, & booster blast.

"Booster Blast... You know what that is right?" Mr. Spurrows pressed. "It's the gay man's viagra!"

Mr. Spurrows also took shots at the new Red Brick Pizza that opened right next to the Planet Smoothie. "Flavored f'n crust... big deal...You got a big oven in the middle of your store..big deal...Oooh..Look at us..we have thin screen color t.v. at every booth....I guess thats why the jerk behind the counter charged me $4.00 for a cup of gelato. Apparently gelato is french for expensive frickin' ice cream." As Spurrows finished his statement he hurrled a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon at the window and told this reporter to "go screw myself".

Calls made by the Eskimo Action News Team to the Planet Smoothie Corporate Office located in Atlanta, GA were not returned as of press time.