Plutonian ticked off about not being a Planet

"Say it ain't so International Astronomical Union!"

Report by Johnny Eskimo

Turns out Pluto is not a planet anymore. On Wednesday, the ninth rock from the sun was stripped of its former status by the International Astronomical Union. Apparently, astronomers changed the galactic guidelines.

Former Central Floridian and now Plutonian Astronaut Bill Chila was enraged when he heard the news,

"This is an outrage, now that the IAU (International Astronomical Union) has stripped Pluto of its planetary status, NASA has suspended funding on The Pluto Project. I have lived on Pluto with my family for 9 years and I get an email today from NASA telling me that my funding is cut. I am on friggin Pluto! My kids are in the middle of school! My wife has a sweet job as District Manager at McDonalds! Do you know how expensive it is to catch an interplanetary flight to earth? That is going to set my family back $4,500,000 earth dollars! I don't have that kind of scratch!"

Mrs. Chila had this to say about Pluto, "Listen, Pluto isn't perfect, we have our problems. A quart of milk is $4,000 and a gallon of gas just topped $3,000. Some of the natives don't like the Ame

rican-ization of their planet and our kids get made fun of for having to wear the special suits that provide oxygen and protect them from the -396F temperature, but this is our home!"

Zork Meesnob, Dictator of Pluto, had this to say about the planet's downgrade;

"I don't know who died and made Earth God! Seriously, where do those conceited humans think that they got the microwave from? It sure wasn't their dim-witted buddies on Mars! As far as the earth culture goes, they never even mention that the greatest actor to ever walk the face of the earth, Dustin Diamond (Screech from the 90's sitcom Saved By The Bell) is a Plutonian. I am done with Earthlings, no more Dish Network for Earth!"